Every little thing that you say or do

Alrighty!

2006-08-29T00:26:17Z

I'm shutting down haha_to_sakura. I feel like I need a change.
For those of you who would like to keep up with me, you can find me at domestic_fxxer.
It was nice.
Goodbye.

haha_to_sakura @ 2006-08-22T16:22:00

2006-08-22T20:39:06Z

Sometimes, I sit and I wonder why I still roleplay anymore, especially as Shinya.
I wonder why I don't just delete all of my sns save for a few, and just quit, leave all the communities, so on.
But then there are those few occasions when the answer becomes clear.
See, there are some fans out there who don't get to see Dir en grey. There are some fans out there who, for whatever reason, can't get to whereever the shows are. They don't have a chance to see their idols in front of their faces, in the flesh. I think that sometimes other fans forget about these people while they brag about getting to shake their hands, brag about getting showered in Kyo's saliva or blood.
I have the pleasure of speaking to quite a few of these fans. Even further, I have the pleasure of speaking to a rare type of fans, the rare type of fans who truly appreciate Dir en grey. They appreciate the hard work it takes for the band to get where they are. They appreciate each member for who they are.
They come to me, either knowing that I'm not the real Shinya but needing, for whatever reason, to pretend they can reach him, or they genuinely think that I am the real thing. I can't say whether I am a good actor in pretending to be him, or why they come to ME when there are several other Terachi Shinyas out there, but whatever it is, they end up drawn to me.
And so, under the name of Shinya, I sit, I listen, I talk to them.
It makes me truly wish that I could somehow get these fans to see Dir en grey, to present them to the members personally.

An excerpt from a very recent conversation:
Naru: I've been wanting to get this off my chest for a very long time now since I can never go to any of your tours...all I wanna say is thank you because your an amazing drumming and I know that you work your butt off to please the crowd thank you soo much<3
Naru: <3
Hotarubi: Arigatou.
Naru: your welcome<3
Naru: It just seems that no one ever realizes it...
Naru: And I think you guys deserve all the credit you can get

~Shinna

Fu fu fu.

2006-08-12T22:19:55Z

1. Name:
2. Age/Birthday:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song:
6. Favorite Band/Rapper/Artist:
7. Favorite Book/Comic Book:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Favorite TV Show:
10. Favorite Video Game/Board Game:
11. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal?:
12. Would you give me a kidney?:
13. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
14. If you could change anything about your current life, would you?:
15. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?:

To You Guys Out There:

2006-08-11T04:11:01Z

To every girl that dresses cute not skanky....

To every girl who wants to be called beautiful not hot.

To every girl that will spend her whole day looking for the perfect present for you.

To every girl who gets her heart broken because he chose that bitch instead.

To every girl that cries at night because of another heartbreak.

To every girl that wont get down on her knees and open her mouth just to get a boyfriend.

To every girl that just wants to hold hands.

To every girl that kisses him with meaning.

To every girl who just wishes he cared more.

To every girl who would just once want a guy to give their jacket up when they are cold.

To every girl who just wants him to call.

To every girl who lies awake at night thinking about him.

To every girl that just wants to cuddle.

To every girl that just wants to sleep with him without having sex.

To every girl that is SCARED to put her heart out there again because she has been HURT tooo many times or so badly.

To every girl who shows how much she cares and gets nothing back.

To every girl that thought maybe this one could be the one.

To every girl that believes in her dreams.

To every girl that would do anything so she could achieve those dreams.

To every girl that laughs at stupid stuff when she actually doesnt think it is funny.

To every girl who is just looking for that one and only and is having a rough time along the way.

To every girl that has been cheated on because shes not a slut who gives it up to any guy.

To every girl that doesnt want a guy who just plays with her emotions but actually cares about how she feels.

To every girl that fell for all the lies only to find themselves alone in the end.

To every girl that gave her heart away to have it shoved back in her face.

haha_to_sakura @ 2006-08-09T03:17:00

2006-08-09T07:20:17Z

So, uh.
Anyone who is with me in any communities might notice that I'm no longer a part of die_shinya and nonyaoiff or whatever it was.
Yeah, I left them.
I might rejoin at a later date, when all this crazy fangirling is over.
I'm not too fond of fans lately, for reasons I'd rather not get into.
Plus, after that video, I'm losing my fangirlishness for Die and Shinya as a pairing.
Dunno what I plan to do about any DiexShinya roleplays I'm in, though.
Perhaps I'll talk to the Die-muns and see if they wouldn't mind changing things to the way they should be.
Or I could tolerate the pairings, giving them a few exceptions.
Who knows.
Also, I think roleplaying love is dying for me. I no longer feel the need to roleplay, save for in a select few scenarios.
Wonderful, wonderful.
Whatever.

haha_to_sakura @ 2006-08-07T02:28:00

2006-08-07T06:26:09Z

That hits home. o.o
Really hits home.

haha_to_sakura @ 2006-08-06T03:38:00

2006-08-06T07:39:43Z

Otakon weekend.
Seems like everyone's there, and I'm here.
No phonecalls, either, unless you count the dude who had the wrong number and was looking for Moses.
Heh. I attract the oddballs, apparently.
Ahhhh, loneliness.
Why am I listening to Britney Spears?
Because this song fits my mood.

Notice me, take my hand
Why are we strangers
When our love is strong?
Why should you move on without me?
Everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, i feel so small
I guess I need you baby
Everytime I see you in my dreams, I see your face
Its haunting me
I guess I need you baby...

If I could only figure out who it is I need.

haha_to_sakura @ 2006-08-03T18:47:00

2006-08-03T22:57:08Z

The Shinnamon has been very...oddly inactive lately. lol
I'm alive! Honest!
Just kinda...weird. Not motivated to let anyone know what I've been up to, since no one's really keeping tabs on me anyway, or anything.

Let's see now.
I drew a picture for Yoshiki and wrote him a short letter, and my mom wrote a card for him.
Mailed it yesterday, overnight, but I'm afraid that the person I sent it to to give to him probably didn't get it in time.
Oh well, I'll ask her to send it back if she didn't get it today, and send it to his office in L.A.
It's a pretty picture, too. I am very proud of it.

Had a good time at Ikasucon, but I don't feel like doing a con report.
Also decided that I'm likely not doing Jrock cosplay anymore. It's too competitive, with people being of the mindset that if you don't do it 100% accurate, don't do it at all.
So yeah.

Also decided that I want to whittle my weight down quite a bit.
Though that's kinda...hard to do.
I don't want to starve myself, but I'm not big on dieting and exercise.
Argh. I'll figure it out.
I'm hoping to get to be Shinya-weight, maybe. rofl

Decided how I want my hair next, too.

Like that. Color and all. It's so pretty. :3

I wonder if my mom knows I'm serious about having my breasts removed.
We had a small conversation about it in the hotel room of Ikasucon, and she said for me to go ahead, when I get out of college and get a job and all that.
Though I wonder if she thought I was joking.
I'm seriously not joking. I want my breasts removed. To me, they're awkward to have. I don't know why. They just are.
I don't want to be male, have a full gender change, or anything.
I just want a flat chest. That's it.

Hm...Guess that's all.
College starts for me October 9.
The V.A. better decide how much they'll pay soon.
Mmm...Fashion design. I think I would rather go into cosmetology, but I didn't start thinking about that seriously until I was working on Sempai's hair for her Kyo cosplay, and her and my mom teamed up on me about it, saying how I'd be really good in it and all.
I'll go into it after fashion design.
Though I'm a little afraid, especially with Sempai, that she thinks I'm hide, and wants me to BE hide.
Argh! No! I am Shinna! Not hide! I can't be hide, I don't want to be hide, and I don't want to be seen as a wannabe-hide cosplayer!
I DEFY!

The end.

AHEM

2006-08-01T22:03:11Z

haha_to_sakura @ 2006-07-24T13:50:00

2006-07-24T17:51:55Z

For some reason, today I was talking about Shinya's 'package' with someone over comments in LJ, and I realized that I really, really would rather not envision or see his penis, or any of the other band members', or anyone else's.
Yes. I am the anti-penis. I am also the anti-pussy, so dont label me a lesbian! >O<

haha_to_sakura @ 2006-07-23T19:39:00

2006-07-23T23:40:48Z

I am beginning to hate a good majority of the Dir en grey fanbase in America. People need to learn to be more grateful to bands like KoRn for beinging Dir en grey.
I swear, if I hear one more person bitching about KoRn sucking, I might sock their asses.
God...

haha_to_sakura @ 2006-07-10T16:21:00

2006-07-10T20:23:12Z

-Sighs.-
First, I was turned down for free money from the government or whatever for college.
Then I just found out that they denied my student loan.

Why me?
I'm feeling pretty hopeless right now.

Meme quizzy thingee.

2006-07-06T16:49:44Z

Mun. ("Who are you, why do you play said muse, and do you feel you do a good job?")

Shinna, and I play Shinya because a few years ago a friend of mine approached me and wanted me to be Shinya for them. Of course that friend is long-gone, and no one on my flist knows her to the best of my knowledge, but yeah. Since then, I just kind of ended up being stuck as Shinya, even though I played as several others, which include hide, Miyavi, Yoshiki, Aiji, Tsukasa, Karyu, Kaoru, Kyo, Die and briefly Mayu. He isn’t anything like my personality, truthfully, unless I’m having an off-day and end up really shy. Or maybe I share the stubborn, snarkiness with him. Who knows. As for doing a good job, actually, lately, I think I’ve been slacking off very badly in that area, so I’m trying to fix it. However, as I have several Shinya muses in different settings, it’s rather difficult to do that.

Persona. ("So, what's your muse like anyway?")

Ahahah. This is kind of hard to answer, as I have several muses in different settings. As a result, his personality kind of ranges a bit. In some settings, he is more open, in others, he’s quite closed off. To me, it’s a matter of knowing what he’s like –now-, in reality, and applying it to the different situations, trying to think of how he is.
Besides which, at least one of my muses isn’t serious, as I dislike the comm he’s in.
Anyway, to answer the question, go look up an interview, translate that interview, and you have my muse on a good day.
A bad day, I can sincerely see Shinya with a violent streak in which he destroys everything. A very bad day, at least. But that’s just me, and that might just be my interpretation.

Interaction. ("So... who do you play him with?")

Anyone who can stand him.

Pairings. ("Uh oh. THAT question. What will you do?")

DiexShinya, ShinyaxDie[as a drummer, I don’t think Shinya would have a problem topping], KyoxShinya, really any pairing works for me, if the other side can actually work their way into Shinya’s little bubble.

Others. ("Do you fuse any more muses?")

Oh geeze.

In conclusion. ("Do you feel you do your muses justice?")

When I first started, sure. Nowadays, not so much. But I am working to get them back on track, it’s just hard.

haha_to_sakura @ 2006-07-05T20:17:00

2006-07-06T00:16:25Z

People should be grateful to KoRn for discovering the talent that is Dir en grey and giving us Americans more chances to see Dir en grey.
People should be grateful to Dir en grey for even realizing that they have fans all over the world.
PEOPLE.
SHOULD.
STOP.
BITCHING.

Fuck off and wipe.

-sigh-

2006-06-30T06:21:43Z

Well, some people knew that I was trying to get to Otakon. It wasn't widely known, because I was afraid to start making huge plans, just in case shit happened.
Wa-hell, shit did happen. I can no longer make it to Otakon, and I am not even going to try. Reasons I cannot make it are back to no ride. I will not elaborate.
I was actually kinda looking forward to going, too, but eh. Whatever. Shit happens. I'll find another way to reach Yoshiki.
Sorry to anyone who had hoped to see me there.

In other news:
The hide wig I did not give up on. I have been working on it dilligently in my spare time. I'm still hoping to have it done in time for Ikasucon.
I also found out that you can straighten unraveled yarn with a hair straightener, and that it makes it stronger, so it doesn't pull apart so easily.

The end.

haha_to_sakura @ 2006-06-27T23:50:00

2006-06-28T03:53:56Z

I AM THISCLOSE TO PANICKING RIGHT NOW.
I NEED A WIG FOR MY HIDE COSPLAY. ><!
OMFG I AM GOING TO CRY.

haha_to_sakura @ 2006-06-26T23:14:00

2006-06-27T03:16:20Z

Whoo. I finally got a picture of my hair. xD

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d29/TerachiShinya/Camwhore001-1.jpg

Yaaaaaaaaay. xD I cut it myself.

haha_to_sakura @ 2006-06-22T13:13:00

2006-06-22T17:11:22Z

New layout!
Well, just a new background, anyway. :3 KAOKAO.

IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ!

2006-06-17T18:58:19Z

The Family Values Tour has been officially cancelled since John Davis has cancer.

haha_to_sakura @ 2006-06-15T12:54:00

2006-06-15T17:16:22Z

This's been coming a while.
At least a good..few days.
I'm going to have one last heart-to-heart with my beloved LJ that has served me so well for a while, then bow out.
Whether I'm getting a new LJ or not, I don't know.
When I decide, I will let those who matter know.

Please keep an open mind while reading this.
It is directed to at least one person, it does not mean any offense.
I don't even think that one person will ever read it, but that's okay.
It's only to make me feel better.

It really hurt me when you didn't call, even after you said you would.
It hurt me even more when I called you, and you didn't return my call.
You had promised you would. I was worried about you.
You've been my best friend for...shoot, 5-6 years?
I'm not angry. Just very, very hurt.
I was afraid something had happened to you.
I'm glad you had fun, though.
Adding to the hurt is being informed that Neenah is the only thing you're focused on.
To me, it doesn't seem fair. I know you love her. Hell, I love her too, in a platonic way.
I love you, too. You're my best friend.
I just don't think that it's fair for you to only focus on her.
What about your other friends?
What about me?
I miss our conversations, laughing and being easily amused.
The stupidity, and at the same time, complete brilliance.
And going places, like to the mall.
It isn't fair that you only exist for Neenah.
What about the other people who are important to you?
I'm happy for you both, but at the same time, I'm hurt.
I cried all weekend when you didn't call.
I cried for two days after that weekend.
Ever since then, I've been in a constant state of emotions, with the smallest things setting me off.
I have been yelled at by my sister, accused of not caring just for being upset at seemingly losing my best friend.
Okay. I can't say I feel much better at having told these things.
Well, I kind of do, now. But I also feel like I need to cry.
Again.

The end.

haha_to_sakura @ 2006-06-14T00:25:00

2006-06-14T04:28:14Z

So.
Ordered cosplay things yesterday.
Today I ordered a CD for my mom's birthday.
I hope she likes it.
..Yeah...
Hopefully my hide cosplay will come together in time for Ikasucon.
If not, oh well. No big deal either.

haha_to_sakura @ 2006-06-13T16:24:00

2006-06-13T20:28:38Z

My head hurts so badly, and I am so tired, and one of my ears has a little bump in it that hurts like hell.

Oi.

Went to the mall today.

Splurged on some books, too. Spent a bit of my birthday money on them. Two books about vampires, one big psychological one about fears, and a Vampire Hunter D book.

I was intending on ranting a bit about how I really, really feel, a truthful, honest thing, to make me feel better, but I just don't feel like it today.

So I'll just hold it in for a few hours, and such.

Yeah...

haha_to_sakura @ 2006-06-12T19:22:00

2006-06-12T23:25:01Z

So apparently I'm not understanding enough.

Apparently I'm not understanding enough, when it hurts me that my best friend doesn't talk to me anymore because he's always so focused on his fiance.

Apparently I'm not understanding enough, I don't care, when I cry over my best friend actually TELLING me that he's so focused on his fiance, he can't talk to me.

Okay.

I understand.

I'm so fucking sorry I'm fucking human.

I won't do it again.

haha_to_sakura @ 2006-06-12T14:50:00

2006-06-12T18:51:03Z

So.

I did indeed cut my hair today.

Chopped the mullet off.

Now it's really short.

I don't think I'll take pictures of it, though.

The motivation isn't there.

haha_to_sakura @ 2006-06-12T11:53:00

2006-06-12T15:55:49Z

Hm.
I'm feeling more and more like I just want to bow out of people's lives.
I don't feel wanted in their lives anymore, so why should I even try to make myself wanted.
Last night was an emotional hell.
I cried for like an hour.
It was coming, really.
I won't say why, but quite a few people who read this know, since I talked to some of you last night, and I'm so incredibly blunt when I cry and why I cry.
So yeah.
It probably comes off as selfish, that I want to feel wanted in people's lives, that I'm upset that I don't feel wanted, but I don't think I should have to feel this way.
The end.